Nice phone call from you this morning. A rare call that must have taken all of 20 seconds. Thank you. I suppose that this is your rationalization for keeping all my things. Nice language and yet another great rationalization.
Let us recall the day's events, FACTUALLY, without your justifications for your abuse towards me.
After having had to sleep in the bathroom so that you could enjoy your 'after school special' the previous evening, I awoke at 5 am. I proceeded to make you coffee. After attempting to wake you and offering you a cup, I proceeded to prepare your cooler for your work day. You answered your phone and it was Jerry with your morning wake up call and whatever else you two share at that hour. I then witnessed you and your daughter cuss each other out (for no apparent reason, just good practice I suppose) on the phone. You then asked me to go gas the van and drive to pick up Marsha. Of course I agreed to this since there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. You handed me $5 to which I responded something like "is this all you want me to put in". You apparently took offense and mistook me for your whipping post again. I remained calm and said something to the effect of 'we are on the same team, aren't we? No reason to be angry'. I repeated one or more times while gently rocking you. You refused to answer (I am not worthy of speaking to apparently) or even acknowledge me. After gassing up I picked up Marsha. She asked me to make an unscheduled stop, to which, again, I agreed. This was to pick up some meth for your work day. During the ride she told the alarming story of the previous evening...no Nick, Gary disappearing, police, etc., etc. After arriving back to our home, prior to you leaving, you pointed your finger at me, the table etc and demanded 'and while I am at work you WILL clean this place up!' I informed you that I don’t respond very well to orders'. You then phrased it in the form of a question and of course I readily agreed. You immediately shouted 'NEVER MIND, I will do it when I get home!' I reminded you again that we are on the same team and again you declined to respond. I guess now that we were never on the same team. You then proceeded with the 'Stop it!' routine that never makes any sense and so never has had success in whatever you are trying to achieve. I realize in retrospect that the "Stop it!" you were attempting to achieve was to bring me to submission and allieviate the perceived threat to your perceived power and control. I responded back to you, 'No you stop it'. My hope is that if you heard your words said back to you that you would realize how rude and ignorant they are. Other exchanges that morning included your demand to 'SHUT UP JIM' to which I replied 'No, you shut up Lily' and your inevitable follow up of 'FUCK YOU JIM' and my reply 'No, Fuck You Lily'. All this abuse from you after all the things I was doing for you already this morning, (no gratitude expected but no more abuse will simply be tolerated). After leaving, you phoned a few minutes later and told me that Marsha wasn’t working and 'told' me that you were stopping by and that I was to drive you to work and then take Marsha to get boxes and then drop her off at her home. Due to the situation I decided to help you rather than point out the fact that a request of me would have gone over better than your dictorial demand. During this drive I asked you to call me today and give me some clarity on what was going on, to which you agreed. Also during the drive I mentioned the work I had done on the van the previous day to which you responded "BUT YOU DIDNT FIX IT SO IT GETS BETTER GAS MILEAGE!!!'. Your welcome Lily. I ignored this horrible, immature behaviour by you so as not to further threaten your power over me. Make no mistake, I would have suffered a violent attack at any of several moments during the morning if it were not for the presence of Marsha. This was a double edged sword as you would make me pay later for this challenge to your authority over me.
I drove you to the yard and you asked Marsha to help you get ready. So I had no choice but to wait (although you didn't have any decency or consideration to make any comments to me). After a while I worked on the van a little until Marsha was ready to go. When Marsha was ready I expected you would at least tell me goodbye. No such luck. While driving Marsha home you even called her, talked to her about Jerry, but, again, didn’t have any regard for me at all. Marsha intentionally mentioned 'Jerry' several times during your call. I am certain this was at your direction as a method to further punish me for my perceived challenge to your authority in front of Marsha. Marsha again asked me to make yet another unscheduled stop to, this time to pick up some pot, which, again, I agreed. She did not want to get boxes and finally just wanted me to drop her off, which I did.
A while after arriving home you called and informed me of what Marsha supposedly walked into at her house. Which was her boyfriend having sex with another woman thinking she was at work. I was immediately prepared to go there but you informed me that you had been talking to Jerry and he was on his way there. (what the f***?). You asked me to just sit by the phone 'in case' I was needed (again, what the f***?). This was of course just another attempt at emasculating me to assert your authority over me. You called a little while later and said you had again been talking to Jerry (yet again, what the f***?) He lied to you and said he had been trying to call me. Of course you had ordered him to call me and he didnt jump when you ordered him. At that time the call waiting chimed in and we abruptly hung up. He wanted to come over and use the internet but wanted to get a cup of coffee in him and would be over in about an hour. This is now 10am and he has been involved in our lives for over five hours now, (counting the wake up call) so I find it strange that he is pretending that he just woke up. I asked about Marsha but did not recieve an answer either because a) you didnt inform him of the Marsha lie, b) didnt give him specific enough instructions on how to answer or c) he declined of his own accord fearful of doing yet another 'caught in a web of lies dance' that you often subjected him to. Of course his call and request was just another ruse at your order to again attempt to manipulate my feelings. I realize that, although Jerry is a two faced liar, that he is just a pawn following your orders so I welcome him to come over to 'use the internet'. (that reminds me of the funny story a week prior to this when you accidently said to him at the end of the wake up call 'I love you too') Way way way too funny but anyway, I agree and waited for him to arrive. During this time I discover a cracked pipe under the sink and had to figure out how I am going to fix it. Around 12:00 I call Jerry and ask him if he was coming over as we had agreed, (he is way late already). He made an excuse and now wants to come over around 4 or 5. Again, I agree. I of course realize this is simply an immature ruse designed by you to further beat me down. Around 1:30 I discover that the phone line was not plugged into the caller ID properly and so I called you thinking I had missed your call. (yeah right, like you were going to call, that would have given up some power in your immature head). You indicated that you had not tried to call 'yet' but would call me later. All those personal calls and yet you did not have 30 seconds for me. (somewhat disconcerting to say the least, which of course was your plan).
Around 3 or 4 pm, still not having heard from you 'yet', I called Jerry and told him that I had an errand to run (busted pipe) and that you and I had some things to do when you got home (i.e., the clarity of what was going on that I previously requested and agreed) and so we had to do the 'internet' tomorrow. Jerry was obviously relieved. No telling what your marching orders for him might have been. I am sure he called you right away to let you know the development in your plan.
I now get ready for my errand and (not having heard from you and no clue about when/if I am picking you up) take off. You apparently called the house about 6:40 pm. Not wanting to miss you, I stopped and called you from a pay phone at about 6:55 pm. You did not answer. (fact is that I had a major problem with the pay phone and would have been calling you a mere couple minutes after you called me had I even known). I arrived home a short time later and saw that you did call. I called you from there and was greeted by a barrage of abusive language, because I was not at your beckon call. I, again, asked you to keep me appraised of your schedule so I have some idea of when to pick you up or expect you home. You screamed something about not having '10 minutes' during the day to talk to me. My God, 3 minutes on the phone is my limit. 5 minutes is pure torture and probably a record. Where in the hell did you pull 10 minutes from? (although you certainly spend more time than that during the day on personal calls, which is fine except don’t tell me you don’t have 10 seconds to give me a call). If you would dare to lie we could have a peek at your phone records so don't waste another lie on this one. I suspect your lack of consideration and respect for me in this regard is both a dominance/control issue and the way you hold yourself out to your coworkers etc. Calling me would compromise the appearance you have cultivated. I could be missing some additional issues like one that you used 'I don’t want to call you during the day because all we do is fight about me not calling you during the day...'. Silly huh? definitely a self fulfilling prophecy on your part.
After hanging up from your abuse I leave to run to the yard to pick you up (this is the only time you have 10 seconds for 'us' is when I am suppose to jump and be there for you). Walking out the front door I am met by you arriving and with the same old abusive language. I realize I must leave lest I now be beaten for not asking how high when you told me to jump. Trying to leave I was met with the usual physical attack and watched you break out the window of the van. Not satisfied I also watched you search for big rocks to further destroy the van. I managed to shout out (from behind my now broken glasses) 'I will call you when I get an extra 10 minutes'. Probably rude on my part but I thought you should hear the same words you speak to me.
At this time I am no longer interested in helping/serving you but rather my own safety is paramount. I am not again to walk 4 1/2 hours with no water and no map like I had to do before, although last time it was during several different thunderstorms. You can certainly take the truck to the yard and walk home. remember the three stooges evening when you 'left your purse in the truck' and took off walking? You remember that Jerry picked you up? Quite an evening as you recall. You hiding things you were taking to the truck, you and Jerry caught in several bald face lies. LOL! how about the keys to the front door and shed? That was funny when Jerry offered to let me into our shed...oopsie....how did he have a copy(?) of our front door and shed key? Truly a hilarious evening. Neither of you could keep up with which lie was which. All the while believing I was totally blind and eating it up with a spoon. You both looked pretty damn stupid that night. Even more so that usual. I guess if I have any concerns about this I should talk to Mary or Frank or go to wherever/ whomever you direct me since I don’t have enough sense to speak to the person to whom I have a concern i.e., you. For you to discuss an issue would be to give up control in your immature little mind. How about clearing your conscious a little and stepping up the plate on a few of your lies?
Make no mistake, I have no jeolousy towards Jerry, Rich and all the other people you elect to have contact with at all hours and then attempt to conceal from me, at least in any traditional sense of the word. I am jealous that you spend our quality time cultivating relationships with these other people but will not spend one iota of energy or time on our relationship. Dont you find this to be very odd? I sure do. The mere mention by me of wanting to discuss our relationship was consistantly met by a beatdown. But then you never wanted a relationship but rather just a whipping post.
How about just coming clean on one thing? how about the stuck in a ditch and my phone was dead lie? How about you just pick one, any one will do, your choice, and coming clean. You will feel much better for having done it.
Now you tell me you lost your job because you had to keep the company truck. This is of course another lie to place blame (even if there is nothing to be blamed for!). Ha! good one. Perhaps if you would have looked at your priorities a little closer that day you would have readily found why you lost your job (your email to me below and subsequent lies during our phone conversation might also lend you a clue, that you couldnt come and get the van because you got arrested but wouldnt tell me what for, HA you werent in jail but yet attempt to blame me for something that didnt even happen). What number was I on the list of priorities? Number 20? I bet I haven’t ever been on the list. Too busy during a 14 hour day to take out 10 seconds for a quick call to the man you 'Love'. You never did love me or have any respect for me. What you wanted out of the relationship was something totally different than what I wanted. I believe you wanted a sugar daddy that you could whip up on all the while lying to his face and laughing behind his back. Sorry I wouldnt fit into that mold for you. Hope you find what it is you are looking for. On a planet with 7 billion people I am sure there is someone out there that meets your criteria. Remember that relationships take work and effort. They dont work because you beat someone into submission.
I don’t expect to hear back from you. (10 seconds, let alone 10 minutes would have been ridiculous last week when we needed to be together as a family more than ever). If I did it would be just vile filled abuse and false accusations (a few threats thrown around for seasoning). Lord forbid you should want to be a better person.
I do expect to get my things from our home. In your violent rage I somehow suspect you did more damage after I left. A fist through my television perhaps? If that happened (and for some reason I think that it is a real possibility) you probably made up a lie about how it happened to tell your friends and would, by now, be believing it yourself.
Step up to the plate and do the right thing
Please let me know about my things.
Jim
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