Saturday, April 23, 2011
The holidays and meth. How they work for her
<a detailed account of how she wanted to celebrate various holidays....with me and with others. Includes birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Fourth of July and more. You would have thought I would recognize the pattern sooner!>
Attempt to get my belongings from our home a.k.a. the last assault avoided
<put a meth crash, while stealing, while committing assault with Cognitive Dissonance and this embodies her lifestyle (it also explains how she has possessions she calls her own)>
Cognitive Dissonance
<a view at how she can consider herself to be good and honest while lying, cheating, dealing meth and stealing on an almost daily basis>
Meth and Paranoia
<hundreds of pages of Lily's own documented searches of my wallet, truck, briefcase, portfolio, email, computer, phone etc etc>
Friday, April 22, 2011
Cheating liar
Hi again!
The single biggest failing of our relationship in which I share responsibility is the inability to discuss and resolve issues (however minor they might have been). This of course led to resentment and the whole horrible rest of it. So in the interest of being clear, there were no ‘online hoochies’. You know as well as I do from your monitoring and recording that I never had one single online chat or web experience with another woman. I did watch porn movies but that was it. I did this of course because of our inability to discuss your activities (online, txt, sms etc) which of course let to resentment on my part and the arrival at that point. Anyway, we should just be clear about it. This is the failing that I ask forgiveness for. My inability to properly recognize, address, discuss and resolve the issues that you were bringing forward. I understood a great deal at the time but I now understand even more and certainly did not respond or behave in an appropriate manner a great deal of the time. It is for this that I hope you forgive me.
Also forgive me for bothering you Lily but I was so deeply and truly in Love with you that it is hard to simply move on as we both wish.
I hope you will recognize things as they are and that we can at least be friends. Masturbating to porn movies is cheating. In this respect (and only in this respect) I was cheating and not working on our relationship. I never lied, stole nor omitted any truth to you Lily. I believe you know both of our behaviors in this regard. I ask for no admissions nor reconciliations for past indiscretions. I knew the truths as they were happening. It was Elvis who sang ‘But I’d rather go on hearing your lies than go on living without you’. That’s how much I loved you. Now I only want you to be happy Lily.
I will try my best not to send you any more unanswered emails.
Have a nice weekend Lily.
Very Truly,
Jim
From: Lily Fosnight
Sent: Saturday, January 22, 2011 3:45 AM
Subject: RE:
I do not hate you Jim and I hold no grudges. I am not ready to forgive you just yet though. I guess all things took a bigger chunk out of my heart than you could ever imagine. I am sure one day I will mend totally and move more easily towards my future, actually I have a spiritual belief that it will be sooner than I can imagine. You was to be my life, my other half that made me whole, My Husband. So I apologize for it taking me longer to forgive, but I will when it is time...whenever that shall be.
From: jmorgansmith@msn.com
To: septemberlily@live.com
Subject: Re: RE:
Date: Sat, 22 Jan 2011 03:26:42 -0700
To: septemberlily@live.com
Subject: Re: RE:
Date: Sat, 22 Jan 2011 03:26:42 -0700
Its too bad that you feel that you have to be angry with me such that we cant communicate. Hate and grudges are terrible things to carry around. You have enough already without carrying a misguided hate towards me. I truly wish we could talk. I say that from a selfish point of view because my heart hurts so badly but also simply from a civil point of view. I have forgiven you Lily and you would feel better if you did the same. I hope to hear from you lily, certainly we will encounter each other in the future.
Jim
From: Lily Fosnight
Sent: Saturday, January 22, 2011 3:05 AM
Subject: RE:
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
The seven deadly sins - Greed
Greed - disloyalty, deliberate betrayal, theft and robbery, especially by means of violence, trickery, or manipulation.
My last email to her, again begging for my belongings. (of course with no response, why would she? she has everything and nothing further to gain).
My last email to her, again begging for my belongings. (of course with no response, why would she? she has everything and nothing further to gain).
Hi Lily,
For the last six months I have been contacting you regularly regarding my personal property in your possession and resolution of our mutual property, also in your possession. Although my efforts have, at best, been ignored, you and anyone else would agree I have demonstrated a superhuman degree of patience and civility. I had hoped, and expected, to settle this in an equitable manner with little acrimony. The very last thing I want is for either of us to incur additional and unwarranted expenses, inconveniences, embarrassments etc. However this needs to be resolved as I desperately need my belongings and resolution.
I certainly didn’t want to set a deadline and I know you will not react well to such but you would agree that this has gone on far too long. I hope to hear from you by the close of business on Thursday, January 27th 2011, indicating a willingness to put forth a genuine effort to resolve this matter. Should you elect not to make this effort and fail to communicate then cause of action will be taken as well as any and all other actions deemed appropriate in order for me to be made whole and move on with my life. Your lack of response will be indicative of the course to be taken. Perhaps resolution is better placed in the hands of third party authorities anyway? I was hoping we could be decent enough to avoid that process and any resulting indignities and consequences.
Again, I truly hope to hear from you to resolve this matter as I believe it is relatively simple, mutually beneficial, and needn’t involve third parties. You have and have had my contact information. If you have or should obtain the advice of legal counsel please ensure that I am advised as such so communications can be properly directed.
Regards,
JimThe seven deadly sins - Sloth
Sloth - Emotional and/or physical inactivity. Apathy
Hours and hours and day after day she spent her time high on meth playing farmville. For me to object or encourage activity and/or want to work on our relationship was met with a beat down and her disappearance for days at a time. Below is last night's tweeking
Hours and hours and day after day she spent her time high on meth playing farmville. For me to object or encourage activity and/or want to work on our relationship was met with a beat down and her disappearance for days at a time. Below is last night's tweeking
Lily is on a roll. Lily played 1504 times and won 13493 tokens in Jackpot Slot Machines.
Monday, April 11, 2011
From: jmorgansmith@msn.com
To: junquentreasures@msn.com
Subject: RE: Us
Date: Sun, 7 Mar 2010 16:56:56 -0700
I am sure you are in the sleep for several days mode now after your latest binge so I know you wont read this until after the facts.
Firstly I want you to know how deeply and badly you have hurt me, both physically and emotionally. It is unfortunate that you awoke one morning and decided that you hated me. This is not your fault but your failure to share this discovery with me led me to believe we were still a couple and hence exposed myself to your horrible attack. The hurt you caused is truly very hard for me to take. At times I feel strong enough to go forward only to spiral down into the depths of the pain you have caused. You are truly a horrible person to do this to another human being, much less someone you were telling that you loved. You will have to reconcile your actions one day, not to me, but you will have to reconcile none the less.
It is obvious you want nothing you have left here. I will be moving the rest of my possesions out of our home soon. The items of my mine that you destroyed in your last violent escapade have been documented and disposed of. The few items of yours you left behind will likewise be left behind when I leave. The blood from your physical attack on me has not been cleaned and so I suspect you will be held liable. Should there be any items you wish to pick up please contact me prior to arriving so as to avoid the physical confrontation that you so seem to enjoy.
I wish you luck on your meth problem and that one day you can look on this missed opportunity as regrettable and learn from it and apply in any future relationship you may be lucky enough to encounter.
Good luck and best regards,
Jim
J. Morgan Smith
To: junquentreasures@msn.com
Subject: RE: Us
Date: Sun, 7 Mar 2010 16:56:56 -0700
I am sure you are in the sleep for several days mode now after your latest binge so I know you wont read this until after the facts.
Firstly I want you to know how deeply and badly you have hurt me, both physically and emotionally. It is unfortunate that you awoke one morning and decided that you hated me. This is not your fault but your failure to share this discovery with me led me to believe we were still a couple and hence exposed myself to your horrible attack. The hurt you caused is truly very hard for me to take. At times I feel strong enough to go forward only to spiral down into the depths of the pain you have caused. You are truly a horrible person to do this to another human being, much less someone you were telling that you loved. You will have to reconcile your actions one day, not to me, but you will have to reconcile none the less.
It is obvious you want nothing you have left here. I will be moving the rest of my possesions out of our home soon. The items of my mine that you destroyed in your last violent escapade have been documented and disposed of. The few items of yours you left behind will likewise be left behind when I leave. The blood from your physical attack on me has not been cleaned and so I suspect you will be held liable. Should there be any items you wish to pick up please contact me prior to arriving so as to avoid the physical confrontation that you so seem to enjoy.
I wish you luck on your meth problem and that one day you can look on this missed opportunity as regrettable and learn from it and apply in any future relationship you may be lucky enough to encounter.
Good luck and best regards,
Jim
J. Morgan Smith
Guess she didnt want all the cheating notes and pics
Hi,
I asked you several times if you would forward me our pictures since my computer was on the blink. I thought that you were too busy the first time. But after numerous requests that were ignored I could only figure that you must have lost them. Anyway, I bought a new computer and did some deep scanning of my old harddrive to recover what I could. I was amazed at files that were hidden etc. I felt like the computer CSI guy. Anyway, I recovered many pictures, IM and SMS dialogues of yours, emails etc etc. I don’t figure you want any of the text dialogues but I figure you would like to have some of the pictures I was able to recover. Most are pretty tame although some are pretty racy as well. Some are, I would suppose, private to you as these were things emailed and texted to you when ‘we were together’. I of course was heartbroken going through many of these but that doesn’t matter. I did retrieve the ones that were special to me of you and I and that is all that matters to me. There were literally hundreds of other pics, ecards, love notes etc that I think you might want. I wont waste our time sending them to you unless you let me know.
Hope you are doing well. Let me know if there is anything you need.
Sincerely
Jim
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
The Last Assault
Nice phone call from you this morning. A rare call that must have taken all of 20 seconds. Thank you. I suppose that this is your rationalization for keeping all my things. Nice language and yet another great rationalization.
Let us recall the day's events, FACTUALLY, without your justifications for your abuse towards me.
After having had to sleep in the bathroom so that you could enjoy your 'after school special' the previous evening, I awoke at 5 am. I proceeded to make you coffee. After attempting to wake you and offering you a cup, I proceeded to prepare your cooler for your work day. You answered your phone and it was Jerry with your morning wake up call and whatever else you two share at that hour. I then witnessed you and your daughter cuss each other out (for no apparent reason, just good practice I suppose) on the phone. You then asked me to go gas the van and drive to pick up Marsha. Of course I agreed to this since there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. You handed me $5 to which I responded something like "is this all you want me to put in". You apparently took offense and mistook me for your whipping post again. I remained calm and said something to the effect of 'we are on the same team, aren't we? No reason to be angry'. I repeated one or more times while gently rocking you. You refused to answer (I am not worthy of speaking to apparently) or even acknowledge me. After gassing up I picked up Marsha. She asked me to make an unscheduled stop, to which, again, I agreed. This was to pick up some meth for your work day. During the ride she told the alarming story of the previous evening...no Nick, Gary disappearing, police, etc., etc. After arriving back to our home, prior to you leaving, you pointed your finger at me, the table etc and demanded 'and while I am at work you WILL clean this place up!' I informed you that I don’t respond very well to orders'. You then phrased it in the form of a question and of course I readily agreed. You immediately shouted 'NEVER MIND, I will do it when I get home!' I reminded you again that we are on the same team and again you declined to respond. I guess now that we were never on the same team. You then proceeded with the 'Stop it!' routine that never makes any sense and so never has had success in whatever you are trying to achieve. I realize in retrospect that the "Stop it!" you were attempting to achieve was to bring me to submission and allieviate the perceived threat to your perceived power and control. I responded back to you, 'No you stop it'. My hope is that if you heard your words said back to you that you would realize how rude and ignorant they are. Other exchanges that morning included your demand to 'SHUT UP JIM' to which I replied 'No, you shut up Lily' and your inevitable follow up of 'FUCK YOU JIM' and my reply 'No, Fuck You Lily'. All this abuse from you after all the things I was doing for you already this morning, (no gratitude expected but no more abuse will simply be tolerated). After leaving, you phoned a few minutes later and told me that Marsha wasn’t working and 'told' me that you were stopping by and that I was to drive you to work and then take Marsha to get boxes and then drop her off at her home. Due to the situation I decided to help you rather than point out the fact that a request of me would have gone over better than your dictorial demand. During this drive I asked you to call me today and give me some clarity on what was going on, to which you agreed. Also during the drive I mentioned the work I had done on the van the previous day to which you responded "BUT YOU DIDNT FIX IT SO IT GETS BETTER GAS MILEAGE!!!'. Your welcome Lily. I ignored this horrible, immature behaviour by you so as not to further threaten your power over me. Make no mistake, I would have suffered a violent attack at any of several moments during the morning if it were not for the presence of Marsha. This was a double edged sword as you would make me pay later for this challenge to your authority over me.
I drove you to the yard and you asked Marsha to help you get ready. So I had no choice but to wait (although you didn't have any decency or consideration to make any comments to me). After a while I worked on the van a little until Marsha was ready to go. When Marsha was ready I expected you would at least tell me goodbye. No such luck. While driving Marsha home you even called her, talked to her about Jerry, but, again, didn’t have any regard for me at all. Marsha intentionally mentioned 'Jerry' several times during your call. I am certain this was at your direction as a method to further punish me for my perceived challenge to your authority in front of Marsha. Marsha again asked me to make yet another unscheduled stop to, this time to pick up some pot, which, again, I agreed. She did not want to get boxes and finally just wanted me to drop her off, which I did.
A while after arriving home you called and informed me of what Marsha supposedly walked into at her house. Which was her boyfriend having sex with another woman thinking she was at work. I was immediately prepared to go there but you informed me that you had been talking to Jerry and he was on his way there. (what the f***?). You asked me to just sit by the phone 'in case' I was needed (again, what the f***?). This was of course just another attempt at emasculating me to assert your authority over me. You called a little while later and said you had again been talking to Jerry (yet again, what the f***?) He lied to you and said he had been trying to call me. Of course you had ordered him to call me and he didnt jump when you ordered him. At that time the call waiting chimed in and we abruptly hung up. He wanted to come over and use the internet but wanted to get a cup of coffee in him and would be over in about an hour. This is now 10am and he has been involved in our lives for over five hours now, (counting the wake up call) so I find it strange that he is pretending that he just woke up. I asked about Marsha but did not recieve an answer either because a) you didnt inform him of the Marsha lie, b) didnt give him specific enough instructions on how to answer or c) he declined of his own accord fearful of doing yet another 'caught in a web of lies dance' that you often subjected him to. Of course his call and request was just another ruse at your order to again attempt to manipulate my feelings. I realize that, although Jerry is a two faced liar, that he is just a pawn following your orders so I welcome him to come over to 'use the internet'. (that reminds me of the funny story a week prior to this when you accidently said to him at the end of the wake up call 'I love you too') Way way way too funny but anyway, I agree and waited for him to arrive. During this time I discover a cracked pipe under the sink and had to figure out how I am going to fix it. Around 12:00 I call Jerry and ask him if he was coming over as we had agreed, (he is way late already). He made an excuse and now wants to come over around 4 or 5. Again, I agree. I of course realize this is simply an immature ruse designed by you to further beat me down. Around 1:30 I discover that the phone line was not plugged into the caller ID properly and so I called you thinking I had missed your call. (yeah right, like you were going to call, that would have given up some power in your immature head). You indicated that you had not tried to call 'yet' but would call me later. All those personal calls and yet you did not have 30 seconds for me. (somewhat disconcerting to say the least, which of course was your plan).
Around 3 or 4 pm, still not having heard from you 'yet', I called Jerry and told him that I had an errand to run (busted pipe) and that you and I had some things to do when you got home (i.e., the clarity of what was going on that I previously requested and agreed) and so we had to do the 'internet' tomorrow. Jerry was obviously relieved. No telling what your marching orders for him might have been. I am sure he called you right away to let you know the development in your plan.
I now get ready for my errand and (not having heard from you and no clue about when/if I am picking you up) take off. You apparently called the house about 6:40 pm. Not wanting to miss you, I stopped and called you from a pay phone at about 6:55 pm. You did not answer. (fact is that I had a major problem with the pay phone and would have been calling you a mere couple minutes after you called me had I even known). I arrived home a short time later and saw that you did call. I called you from there and was greeted by a barrage of abusive language, because I was not at your beckon call. I, again, asked you to keep me appraised of your schedule so I have some idea of when to pick you up or expect you home. You screamed something about not having '10 minutes' during the day to talk to me. My God, 3 minutes on the phone is my limit. 5 minutes is pure torture and probably a record. Where in the hell did you pull 10 minutes from? (although you certainly spend more time than that during the day on personal calls, which is fine except don’t tell me you don’t have 10 seconds to give me a call). If you would dare to lie we could have a peek at your phone records so don't waste another lie on this one. I suspect your lack of consideration and respect for me in this regard is both a dominance/control issue and the way you hold yourself out to your coworkers etc. Calling me would compromise the appearance you have cultivated. I could be missing some additional issues like one that you used 'I don’t want to call you during the day because all we do is fight about me not calling you during the day...'. Silly huh? definitely a self fulfilling prophecy on your part.
After hanging up from your abuse I leave to run to the yard to pick you up (this is the only time you have 10 seconds for 'us' is when I am suppose to jump and be there for you). Walking out the front door I am met by you arriving and with the same old abusive language. I realize I must leave lest I now be beaten for not asking how high when you told me to jump. Trying to leave I was met with the usual physical attack and watched you break out the window of the van. Not satisfied I also watched you search for big rocks to further destroy the van. I managed to shout out (from behind my now broken glasses) 'I will call you when I get an extra 10 minutes'. Probably rude on my part but I thought you should hear the same words you speak to me.
At this time I am no longer interested in helping/serving you but rather my own safety is paramount. I am not again to walk 4 1/2 hours with no water and no map like I had to do before, although last time it was during several different thunderstorms. You can certainly take the truck to the yard and walk home. remember the three stooges evening when you 'left your purse in the truck' and took off walking? You remember that Jerry picked you up? Quite an evening as you recall. You hiding things you were taking to the truck, you and Jerry caught in several bald face lies. LOL! how about the keys to the front door and shed? That was funny when Jerry offered to let me into our shed...oopsie....how did he have a copy(?) of our front door and shed key? Truly a hilarious evening. Neither of you could keep up with which lie was which. All the while believing I was totally blind and eating it up with a spoon. You both looked pretty damn stupid that night. Even more so that usual. I guess if I have any concerns about this I should talk to Mary or Frank or go to wherever/ whomever you direct me since I don’t have enough sense to speak to the person to whom I have a concern i.e., you. For you to discuss an issue would be to give up control in your immature little mind. How about clearing your conscious a little and stepping up the plate on a few of your lies?
Make no mistake, I have no jeolousy towards Jerry, Rich and all the other people you elect to have contact with at all hours and then attempt to conceal from me, at least in any traditional sense of the word. I am jealous that you spend our quality time cultivating relationships with these other people but will not spend one iota of energy or time on our relationship. Dont you find this to be very odd? I sure do. The mere mention by me of wanting to discuss our relationship was consistantly met by a beatdown. But then you never wanted a relationship but rather just a whipping post.
How about just coming clean on one thing? how about the stuck in a ditch and my phone was dead lie? How about you just pick one, any one will do, your choice, and coming clean. You will feel much better for having done it.
Now you tell me you lost your job because you had to keep the company truck. This is of course another lie to place blame (even if there is nothing to be blamed for!). Ha! good one. Perhaps if you would have looked at your priorities a little closer that day you would have readily found why you lost your job (your email to me below and subsequent lies during our phone conversation might also lend you a clue, that you couldnt come and get the van because you got arrested but wouldnt tell me what for, HA you werent in jail but yet attempt to blame me for something that didnt even happen). What number was I on the list of priorities? Number 20? I bet I haven’t ever been on the list. Too busy during a 14 hour day to take out 10 seconds for a quick call to the man you 'Love'. You never did love me or have any respect for me. What you wanted out of the relationship was something totally different than what I wanted. I believe you wanted a sugar daddy that you could whip up on all the while lying to his face and laughing behind his back. Sorry I wouldnt fit into that mold for you. Hope you find what it is you are looking for. On a planet with 7 billion people I am sure there is someone out there that meets your criteria. Remember that relationships take work and effort. They dont work because you beat someone into submission.
I don’t expect to hear back from you. (10 seconds, let alone 10 minutes would have been ridiculous last week when we needed to be together as a family more than ever). If I did it would be just vile filled abuse and false accusations (a few threats thrown around for seasoning). Lord forbid you should want to be a better person.
I do expect to get my things from our home. In your violent rage I somehow suspect you did more damage after I left. A fist through my television perhaps? If that happened (and for some reason I think that it is a real possibility) you probably made up a lie about how it happened to tell your friends and would, by now, be believing it yourself.
Step up to the plate and do the right thing
Please let me know about my things.
Jim
Let us recall the day's events, FACTUALLY, without your justifications for your abuse towards me.
After having had to sleep in the bathroom so that you could enjoy your 'after school special' the previous evening, I awoke at 5 am. I proceeded to make you coffee. After attempting to wake you and offering you a cup, I proceeded to prepare your cooler for your work day. You answered your phone and it was Jerry with your morning wake up call and whatever else you two share at that hour. I then witnessed you and your daughter cuss each other out (for no apparent reason, just good practice I suppose) on the phone. You then asked me to go gas the van and drive to pick up Marsha. Of course I agreed to this since there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. You handed me $5 to which I responded something like "is this all you want me to put in". You apparently took offense and mistook me for your whipping post again. I remained calm and said something to the effect of 'we are on the same team, aren't we? No reason to be angry'. I repeated one or more times while gently rocking you. You refused to answer (I am not worthy of speaking to apparently) or even acknowledge me. After gassing up I picked up Marsha. She asked me to make an unscheduled stop, to which, again, I agreed. This was to pick up some meth for your work day. During the ride she told the alarming story of the previous evening...no Nick, Gary disappearing, police, etc., etc. After arriving back to our home, prior to you leaving, you pointed your finger at me, the table etc and demanded 'and while I am at work you WILL clean this place up!' I informed you that I don’t respond very well to orders'. You then phrased it in the form of a question and of course I readily agreed. You immediately shouted 'NEVER MIND, I will do it when I get home!' I reminded you again that we are on the same team and again you declined to respond. I guess now that we were never on the same team. You then proceeded with the 'Stop it!' routine that never makes any sense and so never has had success in whatever you are trying to achieve. I realize in retrospect that the "Stop it!" you were attempting to achieve was to bring me to submission and allieviate the perceived threat to your perceived power and control. I responded back to you, 'No you stop it'. My hope is that if you heard your words said back to you that you would realize how rude and ignorant they are. Other exchanges that morning included your demand to 'SHUT UP JIM' to which I replied 'No, you shut up Lily' and your inevitable follow up of 'FUCK YOU JIM' and my reply 'No, Fuck You Lily'. All this abuse from you after all the things I was doing for you already this morning, (no gratitude expected but no more abuse will simply be tolerated). After leaving, you phoned a few minutes later and told me that Marsha wasn’t working and 'told' me that you were stopping by and that I was to drive you to work and then take Marsha to get boxes and then drop her off at her home. Due to the situation I decided to help you rather than point out the fact that a request of me would have gone over better than your dictorial demand. During this drive I asked you to call me today and give me some clarity on what was going on, to which you agreed. Also during the drive I mentioned the work I had done on the van the previous day to which you responded "BUT YOU DIDNT FIX IT SO IT GETS BETTER GAS MILEAGE!!!'. Your welcome Lily. I ignored this horrible, immature behaviour by you so as not to further threaten your power over me. Make no mistake, I would have suffered a violent attack at any of several moments during the morning if it were not for the presence of Marsha. This was a double edged sword as you would make me pay later for this challenge to your authority over me.
I drove you to the yard and you asked Marsha to help you get ready. So I had no choice but to wait (although you didn't have any decency or consideration to make any comments to me). After a while I worked on the van a little until Marsha was ready to go. When Marsha was ready I expected you would at least tell me goodbye. No such luck. While driving Marsha home you even called her, talked to her about Jerry, but, again, didn’t have any regard for me at all. Marsha intentionally mentioned 'Jerry' several times during your call. I am certain this was at your direction as a method to further punish me for my perceived challenge to your authority in front of Marsha. Marsha again asked me to make yet another unscheduled stop to, this time to pick up some pot, which, again, I agreed. She did not want to get boxes and finally just wanted me to drop her off, which I did.
A while after arriving home you called and informed me of what Marsha supposedly walked into at her house. Which was her boyfriend having sex with another woman thinking she was at work. I was immediately prepared to go there but you informed me that you had been talking to Jerry and he was on his way there. (what the f***?). You asked me to just sit by the phone 'in case' I was needed (again, what the f***?). This was of course just another attempt at emasculating me to assert your authority over me. You called a little while later and said you had again been talking to Jerry (yet again, what the f***?) He lied to you and said he had been trying to call me. Of course you had ordered him to call me and he didnt jump when you ordered him. At that time the call waiting chimed in and we abruptly hung up. He wanted to come over and use the internet but wanted to get a cup of coffee in him and would be over in about an hour. This is now 10am and he has been involved in our lives for over five hours now, (counting the wake up call) so I find it strange that he is pretending that he just woke up. I asked about Marsha but did not recieve an answer either because a) you didnt inform him of the Marsha lie, b) didnt give him specific enough instructions on how to answer or c) he declined of his own accord fearful of doing yet another 'caught in a web of lies dance' that you often subjected him to. Of course his call and request was just another ruse at your order to again attempt to manipulate my feelings. I realize that, although Jerry is a two faced liar, that he is just a pawn following your orders so I welcome him to come over to 'use the internet'. (that reminds me of the funny story a week prior to this when you accidently said to him at the end of the wake up call 'I love you too') Way way way too funny but anyway, I agree and waited for him to arrive. During this time I discover a cracked pipe under the sink and had to figure out how I am going to fix it. Around 12:00 I call Jerry and ask him if he was coming over as we had agreed, (he is way late already). He made an excuse and now wants to come over around 4 or 5. Again, I agree. I of course realize this is simply an immature ruse designed by you to further beat me down. Around 1:30 I discover that the phone line was not plugged into the caller ID properly and so I called you thinking I had missed your call. (yeah right, like you were going to call, that would have given up some power in your immature head). You indicated that you had not tried to call 'yet' but would call me later. All those personal calls and yet you did not have 30 seconds for me. (somewhat disconcerting to say the least, which of course was your plan).
Around 3 or 4 pm, still not having heard from you 'yet', I called Jerry and told him that I had an errand to run (busted pipe) and that you and I had some things to do when you got home (i.e., the clarity of what was going on that I previously requested and agreed) and so we had to do the 'internet' tomorrow. Jerry was obviously relieved. No telling what your marching orders for him might have been. I am sure he called you right away to let you know the development in your plan.
I now get ready for my errand and (not having heard from you and no clue about when/if I am picking you up) take off. You apparently called the house about 6:40 pm. Not wanting to miss you, I stopped and called you from a pay phone at about 6:55 pm. You did not answer. (fact is that I had a major problem with the pay phone and would have been calling you a mere couple minutes after you called me had I even known). I arrived home a short time later and saw that you did call. I called you from there and was greeted by a barrage of abusive language, because I was not at your beckon call. I, again, asked you to keep me appraised of your schedule so I have some idea of when to pick you up or expect you home. You screamed something about not having '10 minutes' during the day to talk to me. My God, 3 minutes on the phone is my limit. 5 minutes is pure torture and probably a record. Where in the hell did you pull 10 minutes from? (although you certainly spend more time than that during the day on personal calls, which is fine except don’t tell me you don’t have 10 seconds to give me a call). If you would dare to lie we could have a peek at your phone records so don't waste another lie on this one. I suspect your lack of consideration and respect for me in this regard is both a dominance/control issue and the way you hold yourself out to your coworkers etc. Calling me would compromise the appearance you have cultivated. I could be missing some additional issues like one that you used 'I don’t want to call you during the day because all we do is fight about me not calling you during the day...'. Silly huh? definitely a self fulfilling prophecy on your part.
After hanging up from your abuse I leave to run to the yard to pick you up (this is the only time you have 10 seconds for 'us' is when I am suppose to jump and be there for you). Walking out the front door I am met by you arriving and with the same old abusive language. I realize I must leave lest I now be beaten for not asking how high when you told me to jump. Trying to leave I was met with the usual physical attack and watched you break out the window of the van. Not satisfied I also watched you search for big rocks to further destroy the van. I managed to shout out (from behind my now broken glasses) 'I will call you when I get an extra 10 minutes'. Probably rude on my part but I thought you should hear the same words you speak to me.
At this time I am no longer interested in helping/serving you but rather my own safety is paramount. I am not again to walk 4 1/2 hours with no water and no map like I had to do before, although last time it was during several different thunderstorms. You can certainly take the truck to the yard and walk home. remember the three stooges evening when you 'left your purse in the truck' and took off walking? You remember that Jerry picked you up? Quite an evening as you recall. You hiding things you were taking to the truck, you and Jerry caught in several bald face lies. LOL! how about the keys to the front door and shed? That was funny when Jerry offered to let me into our shed...oopsie....how did he have a copy(?) of our front door and shed key? Truly a hilarious evening. Neither of you could keep up with which lie was which. All the while believing I was totally blind and eating it up with a spoon. You both looked pretty damn stupid that night. Even more so that usual. I guess if I have any concerns about this I should talk to Mary or Frank or go to wherever/ whomever you direct me since I don’t have enough sense to speak to the person to whom I have a concern i.e., you. For you to discuss an issue would be to give up control in your immature little mind. How about clearing your conscious a little and stepping up the plate on a few of your lies?
Make no mistake, I have no jeolousy towards Jerry, Rich and all the other people you elect to have contact with at all hours and then attempt to conceal from me, at least in any traditional sense of the word. I am jealous that you spend our quality time cultivating relationships with these other people but will not spend one iota of energy or time on our relationship. Dont you find this to be very odd? I sure do. The mere mention by me of wanting to discuss our relationship was consistantly met by a beatdown. But then you never wanted a relationship but rather just a whipping post.
How about just coming clean on one thing? how about the stuck in a ditch and my phone was dead lie? How about you just pick one, any one will do, your choice, and coming clean. You will feel much better for having done it.
Now you tell me you lost your job because you had to keep the company truck. This is of course another lie to place blame (even if there is nothing to be blamed for!). Ha! good one. Perhaps if you would have looked at your priorities a little closer that day you would have readily found why you lost your job (your email to me below and subsequent lies during our phone conversation might also lend you a clue, that you couldnt come and get the van because you got arrested but wouldnt tell me what for, HA you werent in jail but yet attempt to blame me for something that didnt even happen). What number was I on the list of priorities? Number 20? I bet I haven’t ever been on the list. Too busy during a 14 hour day to take out 10 seconds for a quick call to the man you 'Love'. You never did love me or have any respect for me. What you wanted out of the relationship was something totally different than what I wanted. I believe you wanted a sugar daddy that you could whip up on all the while lying to his face and laughing behind his back. Sorry I wouldnt fit into that mold for you. Hope you find what it is you are looking for. On a planet with 7 billion people I am sure there is someone out there that meets your criteria. Remember that relationships take work and effort. They dont work because you beat someone into submission.
I don’t expect to hear back from you. (10 seconds, let alone 10 minutes would have been ridiculous last week when we needed to be together as a family more than ever). If I did it would be just vile filled abuse and false accusations (a few threats thrown around for seasoning). Lord forbid you should want to be a better person.
I do expect to get my things from our home. In your violent rage I somehow suspect you did more damage after I left. A fist through my television perhaps? If that happened (and for some reason I think that it is a real possibility) you probably made up a lie about how it happened to tell your friends and would, by now, be believing it yourself.
Step up to the plate and do the right thing
Please let me know about my things.
Jim
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